Individual Skill Development
For this paper, I would like to discuss the communication issues that I have with my father at the present and how I want it to be resolved. The issue is that my father wants me to choose a career of his choice, that is he wants me become a lawyer. I have been discusses this matter with him several times and his response to me through different communication channels has become an undesired repetitive pattern (URP) for me. I have talked to him via telephone, communicated via email. I also asked my mother to request him. Asked my uncles to talk to him but he would not listen to anyone. All he keeps saying is that he want me become a lawyer.
It may not be easy to understand for everyone as to why do I have to listen to him in my career choice. The argument is that I belong to a conservative society where the power distance between a parent and a child is very much high as compared to that in the west. Especially the father enjoys a lot of power in a family and has the authority to make almost every decision. I wish it was not like that but I have to deal with the reality the way it is. This situation calls for a systematic approach to deal with. I would like to apply the five steps mentioned in the assignment details and try to find a feasible solution to the problem at hand. In the following discussion I would try to relate my point of view regarding the communication issue to the given five steps.
Step one: Determining why change is desired
I have already provided some details about this step in the introduction. I would like to go into more details about the issue here. My father thinks that Lawyers in our country have much respect and they make a lot of money. This is why he wants me to become a lawyer. This is what he has communicated to me like a thousand times. I would like to change this communication in a way that he gives me an option to at least express my feelings about what I want to become. At the moment I have not yet decided what exactly I want to become in my future. I believe that I need time and do not need to be pushed the way my father is pushing me. This has created many issues for me. For example once I argued about this issue to my father and he got angry at me and didn’t talk to me for days. Also once he stopped my pocket money due to the same reason. For me, it is not a big issue though. I think that if I get to properly communicate with my father about it, he might even convince me to become a lawyer but at the moment I want a bit of freedom from making a career choice. I think I need some independence that I am not getting yet.
Step two: Recognizing the problem situation
Once I went to my father’s room and wanted to discuss with him some fee issue. My father, from nowhere, started the same talk about how good it would be if I become a lawyer. I was shocked as I was not ready for this discussion at that time. Following are some of the details of what happened.
I suddenly felt uncomfortable with what my father wanted to discuss with me. My father realized and instead of stopping the same repetitive talk, he started to get angry at me. He said that I never listen to him. That he wants the best for me. I was too young to understand what my father wants for me. I would understand it but the time may be gone. And many other arguments thrown at me.
This URP may occur at dinner table, TV lounge and almost anywhere at my home. Even when I am driving with my father to our relatives home or anywhere else, he would start this same communication which I do not want to continue as I am not given to express my feelings in it and have to listen to the advice quietly.
Step three: Preplanning for change
In this step, I would like to identify some choices that I still have and want to pursue them so that I can get the desired results. Or at least get an opportunity to express my side of the story and then hope for the best.
Choices alternatives and strategies
One of my choice is to talk to one of my teachers and request him to talk to my father about this issue. I am sure that my father would listen to my teachers and give me a chance to express what I want to say about this situation. The other choice is that I talk to my grandfather as my father also listens to him. But it would be challenging to convince my grandfather as well as he is also a traditional man and would argue that I should listen to my father.
I think that after I have utilized the above two options or even one of them, I would be able to talk to my father about what options I have in my mind. For example I can argue that I need a year or so and then I may decide to become a lawyer. With this, I think that I would get a one year breather.
The activities that I would do are request my teacher send my father an email. An email would be good as my younger brother could translate it to my father as he is not so good at English. I would also try to get my grandfather involved.
Step four: Attempting the change
After my teacher’s email or my grandfather’s discussion with my father, I would see what the best time to talk to my father and prepare in advance for it. I would be clear in what I want to say to him and also anticipate his response in advance so I am prepared to argue with him and persuade him.
Step five: Describing what happened and assessing the change
If my father just listens to me, I would consider it as a success. I would not push him in the first meeting. Would just try to make way for myself.
Describe what happened
I am yet to try this technique. I would know the results once I have been through the whole process and made my conclusions.
The anticipated positive consequences are that my father listens to me and I get some time to make a career decision.
The anticipated negative consequences are that my father sticks to his URP.
In conclusion, I would like to say that this five steps process is a great way to break a URP situation. I think that it is a systematic way in which a person can reach a desired conclusion. But time matters in this step wise approach. You should not rush in to anything during this whole process.